I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
