evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Randomize
