It's like God shit irony all over that family
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
