i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We need to rekindle our bromance
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
