I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
