Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
