i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
