oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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