she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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