I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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