I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
