think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
