Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
