so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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