Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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