we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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