I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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