hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
