i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
