I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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