Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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