You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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