dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
