So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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