who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
