First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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