no, he came in my armpit
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
