WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
