So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
