I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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