Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
