Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
