I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
