youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
how drunk are you?
Several
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize