I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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