Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
