I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
