Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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