There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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