there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"it" just moved
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
