It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
