P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
