Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
