I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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