it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
