my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
