You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
