Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
