Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
