Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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