He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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