Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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