I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my liver is dry heaving
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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