so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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