i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
