Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
