I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
