Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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