I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
