the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
