My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
