do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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