Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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