Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your penis caused this!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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