forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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