You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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