You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
