We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize