He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
