you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
