we have pet lesbian snakes
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
