pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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