Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
