I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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