I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
