Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize