First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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