no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
