That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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