I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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