My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
