yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
