You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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