We're facebook friends in real life
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
