He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize