didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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