If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
