thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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