I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
