stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
