if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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