Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
