Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
