His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
