Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
