; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
