I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize