I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
