Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
