Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
babies were throwing up all over the place
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
