Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
