any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
