I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
